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Pleeg digitale suïcide omdat je lijdt onder een teveel aan vrienden. Vraag de kantinejuffrouw hoeveel gram cola-light minder weegt dan gewone cola. Ageer tegen het onrecht in de wereld en tegen kraaienpootjes. Lach om Beckett. Eet soep.
Lach wanneer men kraait waarom je je haren bij elkaar bindt en ze nooit laat krullen zoals ze altijd krullen: in spiralen richting het plafond wanneer je opstaat met het zakken van de maan. Houd een rede over elke groef van de trambanen die je die dag gekruist hebt wanneer men vraagt waar je vandaan komt. Spreek je eigen naam verkeerd uit. Laat een onbekende staren naar horizontale strepen op een verticaal lichaam en boetseer een schaterend repliek op zijn zwijgen. Staar terug. Eet soep.
Spreek altijd de waarheid, ingebed in fictieve geschiedenissen; trommel ze op de botten van je heupen; trommel ze in een ritme dat je hartslag niet begrijpt. Bak brood en verhalen voor het volk: men is altijd hongerig. Wees overvloedig in narratieve structuren en vermijd het risico gewend te raken aan coherentie. Rijg onuitspreekbare klanken aan een koord; leg ze in een rechte lijn voor je neer; daag je publiek uit het geluid te beklimmen; kijk toe. Verlam je toeschouwer met zijn eigen tralies; begraaf je nagels in de rimpels tussen je vingerkootjes; kies met zorg een gezichtsuitdrukking uit en bevries het; kijk toe. Verbreek alleen prettige stiltes. Creëer grenzen en zorg dat je er in verdwaalt. Fluit vals. Lach naar voorbijgangers die de muziek in hun hoofd met hun handen dirigeren. Eet soep.
Vraag om tabasco bij je nagerecht. Draag handschoenen die bij je slippers passen. Lees in 2009 voor het eerst over David Foster Wallace; rouw om zijn dood in 2008. Adopteer een kreeft; noem haar Henk. Fiets alleen met je ogen dicht als je handen het stuur niet vasthouden. Gris verwoed naar je inhaler voordat je een sigaret opsteekt. Vraag je toetsenbord ten huwelijk. Doe dit schriftelijk. Gebruik hiervoor een pen. Beeld je in dat je een wolkenkrabber bent; vraag je af of je vatbaar bent voor acrofobie. Vraag je af of wolkenkrabbers afhankelijk zijn van onderdrukkende structuren. Rijd een concertgebouw aan. Lach hardop om het verliezen van je alertheid. Eet soep.
Loop met je ogen gericht op de gevels die de ochtendzon ternauwernood weten te vangen; zoek in elke ruit de weerspiegelingen van een leven geleden. Het hoeft het jouwe niet te zijn, als je het je maar herinnert. De dode levenden sluimeren ver van hier en dromen hun trots op een illusie die ze te laat te vondeling hebben gelegd. Lach harder. Construeer een nieuwe religie om af te wijzen. Stel één vraag en negeer alle antwoorden. Koester je nederlagen. Wees altijd wereldvreemd. Wees altijd verbaasd als men je hierop wijst. Noteer niets wat je wilt onthouden. Vermeld bij alles wat je doet een disclaimer. Eet soep.
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